Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
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Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
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Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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