operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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