I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
