If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
