Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize