remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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