let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
