i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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