I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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