Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Can't talk, ducks in the car
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
