At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
