I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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