yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
