I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
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I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
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He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though