Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
