Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.

(440): View more from Ohio

I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl

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(440): i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe. (440): I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl http://tfl.nu/33bi

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(206): View more from Washington

Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.

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(206): Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story. http://tfl.nu/xxuj

Replies (8) Good night (1073) Bad night (4718)
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(702): View more from Nevada

He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.

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(702): He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form. http://tfl.nu/7sev

Replies (54) Good night (737) Bad night (5331)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.

(662): View more from Mississippi

I think college has really matured you.

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(901): Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front. (662): I think college has really matured you. http://tfl.nu/th4l

Replies (19) Good night (4485) Bad night (598)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

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(215): My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.." http://tfl.nu/yyzh

Replies (124) Good night (41307) Bad night (2832)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.

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(203): Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet. http://tfl.nu/z4ao

Replies (24) Good night (7546) Bad night (1674)
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(206): View more from Washington

After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.

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(206): After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team. http://tfl.nu/bf8i

Replies (12) Good night (4085) Bad night (981)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?

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(703): Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible? http://tfl.nu/w9is

Replies (12) Good night (743) Bad night (2555)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.

(604): View more from British Columbia

I DIDNT GET FINGERED

(604): View more from British Columbia

I was rubbed

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(778): This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room. (604): I DIDNT GET FINGERED (604): I was rubbed http://tfl.nu/4nvv

Replies (9) Good night (2389) Bad night (609)
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(512): View more from Texas

If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.

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(512): If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok. http://tfl.nu/1awh

Replies (10) Good night (2515) Bad night (696)
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(214): View more from Texas

How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.

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(214): How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk. http://tfl.nu/tw8m

Replies (4) Good night (394) Bad night (873)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?

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(440): Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick? http://tfl.nu/vf93

Replies (5) Good night (861) Bad night (345)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.

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(303): Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way. http://tfl.nu/uitb

Replies (7) Good night (533) Bad night (851)
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(512): View more from Texas

Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea

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(512): Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea http://tfl.nu/vg1d

Replies (5) Good night (450) Bad night (260)
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(301): View more from Maryland

I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike

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(301): I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike http://tfl.nu/9zq8

Replies (4) Good night (904) Bad night (221)

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