8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
