plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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