I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
