if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
