saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This is classic penis vs brain.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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