you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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