the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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