WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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