Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
