so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
