My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
