she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i think i just lost a toe
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