I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
