i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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