I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
