Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
