So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
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