Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Tornado booty call.. dedication
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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