the condom got lost in my hair
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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