I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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