I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
True college students do jello shots in the library
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