I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
