If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
