you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize