Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize