I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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