God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The uberlube is also flammable
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
