I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
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My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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