I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
