I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
