My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
