And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
