the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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