i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
