yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
