I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
