dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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