WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Boobs speak an international language.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
