those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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