you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
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We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
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I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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