i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
