i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
