we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
