we have officially lost it.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
