i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
