i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
