How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize