By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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