I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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