Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When are your genitals available?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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