whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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