I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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