dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
